With a Bit of Girlish Flair
by Rayne Marie
Summary: Maybe Poland is a bit different... that's a given. But that doesn't matter to either of them. Through the good times and the bad, he and Hungary have gotten through it all together. But what if there's only so much that a friend can do?
1. Chapter 1

The girl sighed, blonde hair falling down to her waist as water poured over her, allowing it to wash away the shampoo. She didn't bother using her hands to rub it out, wanting to spend as much time as she could in the shower. Fuck, she dreaded getting out... She had been growing it out since she was young... It was the one thing she took pride in; the one thing she had about her that made others feel even the slightest bit of envy... And now she had to cut it off... Her hair! Her long blonde hair...! Tears streamed down her face as the water ran icy, making her shiver. C-cold... She stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around herself and, before she could back out, grabbing a pair of scissors.

_Snip. Snip. Snip._

Her hand trembled as locks of hair fell to the floor around her, pooling at her feet like a pile of discarded clothing. Her tears flowed faster, hair growing shorter and shorter with every little movement her fingers made. Finally, she was done, once fairytale perfect hair reaching down to only just below her chin. She couldn't bear to cut it shorter... She looked into the mirror, gasping in horror as he knees gave out, causing her to collapse onto the floor with a loud sob. She pressed the still damp hair to her cheeks, burying her face into the golden locks and crying, voice echoing around the small room.

"My hair... m-my hair...!"

It took what felt like hours to recompose herself, pulling herself up and calmly washing off her face, pretending that nothing out of the ordinary had happened. When she was done, she turned and walked out of the bathroom without a second glance, barely stopping to flick off the light. She was sure that if she tried to sweep up the remains of her hair, she would break down again...

Her old clothes were in the back of her closet, blocked out by military uniforms; masculine shirts and pants hanging in neat rows. Her make up was put away, boxed up with her jewelry and hairclips and shoved underneath her bed. Done. No more. Tomorrow, she would start a new life.

Feliks Łukasiewicz. Nation of Poland.

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><p><strong>AN<strong>: So this is like a... prologue, I guess you could say, to a fic I intend on writing. What do you guys think? Should I continue, or just scrap it? Please tell me, because I'd really appreciate having others' opinions~


	2. Chapter 2

"FELKA, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?"

"Feliks," she- he- corrected, hands going to rest on his hips, "Call me Feliks."

"Fine then, _Feliks_," his boss's tone was cold, eyes narrowed with poorly contained anger, "Would you mind telling me just what the hell you think you're doing?"

"I don't know," he shot back, instantly becoming defensive, "What does it look like I'm doing?"

His boss closed his eyes, taking a deep, calming breath, and Feliks could practically see the smoke pouring out of his ears, "It looks like you are doing exactly what I told you not to do!"

"Which would be...?" Feliks wasn't dumb, but he wasn't about to let his asshole of a boss hold control of the conversation, "I do a lot of shit you tell me not to."

"You know perfectly damn well what I'm talking about!" he was raising his voice, now, jumping up from his chair and glaring at the man across from him, "Look at yourself! It's... it's completely inappropriate!"

"Inappropriate?" Feliks was up in an instant, cheeks flushed with rage as his voice went shrill, "How the _fuck_am I doing anything inappropriate?"

"Look at yourself!" his boss yelled again, a bit louder this time, gesturing wildly to the blonde's body, "You cut your hair, you changed how you dress...! Not to mention I have absolutely no idea where your chest went to!"

"Nice to know you check there..." he muttered, rolling his eyes. With surprising calmness, he pulled his shirt up, ignoring his boss's look of horror as he displayed his chest, which had been neatly bound flat, "Oh, man the fuck up... you're like, such a fricken prude!"

"There are some things that do not belong on display!" he sat back down, cheeks a deep shade of red, "Will you ever learn?"

"You were the one putting the focus on my tits," he huffed, tugging his shirt back down and folding his arms over the aforementioned area, "Or my lack of them, rather."

"Felka..." he started, but hastily corrected himself upon noting that other's glare, "Feliks. What, pray tell, do you think you are going to accomplish by pulling an idiot stunt like this?"

"I'm getting my nation respect," he responded firmly, determination evident in his eyes, "As a female nation living in the world where, like, seriously almost all of the other nations are males, I've noticed that they don't see me as an equal to them. Just 'cause I'm a chick, that means that I've gotta be, like, inferior to them or something! That's bullshit! If I'm never gonna earn their respect as a chick, then I'd rather not be one! I'm all for strong women, girlpower or whatever they call it, but my status is never gonna change like this! Changing will be better for my nation as a whole."

There was a long moment of silence before Feliks got a response, and it certainly wasn't one that pleased him, "...That must be the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my entire life."

"But Lizzie said-"

"I DON'T CARE WHAT LIZZIE SAID!" his boss exploded, cutting him off mid-sentence, "ALL I EVER HEAR FROM YOU IS LIZZIE SAID THIS, OR LIZZIE SAID THAT! DO YOU EVER FUCKING THINK FOR YOURSELF? OR ARE YOU TOO STUPID?"

Immediately, the Pole's eyes narrowed, and he slammed his hands down on the desk, leaning in so far that his face was mere inches from his boss's, who, in a moment that was very nearly comical, went cross-eyed as he tried to keep his focus on Feliks, inching away from him nervously. When the nation spoke, his voice was dangerously low, words laced with venom, "You're gonna listen now, and you're gonna listen good, or I'll skin you alive and hang you from the rafters. I've been doing this for a hell of a lot longer than you, so one would think I would know what I'm doing. You may hold the title of boss, but in all honesty, you're nothing more than my adviser. Poland is _my_ nation, and I'll be damned if I let you sit here and give me hell for adding respect to my name. Y'know, I was doing something genuinely stupid, something that could reduce my nation to ruin in an instant, then maybe it would be different, but I'm not! Changing myself a bit isn't gonna, like, explode the fucking capital or something! You may think you run this thing, but you don't! I'm the only reason Poland is still standing as a nation! And it's not fucking easy! I'd like to see you act all big and tough somewhere else than behind that damn desk of yours! That's all you ever do! You hide behind your desk all day and take credit for _my_hard work! I'd like to see you try and do this! You wouldn't last one fucking day in my shoes! And as a girl?" he all but shrieked, eyes wild with rage, "As a girl surrounded by men who expect you to be totally weak and stupid? Bullshit! I'll be that half of them don't even see me as a real country, just because I was born with a pair of tits! So how about before you go shooting off your mouth, you actually stop and think about what the fuck you're saying! As totally crazy as it sounds, you might just not know it all! So stop pretending you do!"

And with that, Feliks turned and stormed from the office, pausing only to swipe his arm over his boss's desk, sending a large pile of papers fluttering to the floor and reveling in the shocked expression on the other man's face, slamming the door behind him.

"...Woah. Someone's on her period."

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>I seriously couldn't resist the last line. |D I had to do it. Anyways~ I think I'm going to start regularly updating this fic... I have no idea where it's going, but I'm rather enjoying writing it. Reviews help me work faster, by the way~ /shotdead. They really do, though, because then I feel like my writing has a purpose. C| To all the people reading this, I love you~ Thank you so much for the support I've gotten so far~ c:


	3. Chapter 3

Feliks closed his eyes, resting his head on his friend's lap and sighing softly. He allowed her to run a gentle hand through his hair, a sure sign that he trusted her, leaning up into the touch. The Pole had always been picky over who touched his hair, but he had grown particularly sensitive about it after the cut... The slow, steady rhythm of the girl's hand lulled him into a small state of comfort, soothing his agitated nerves and bringing an expression of mild joy to his face. She smiled softly down at him, glad to see Feliks so calm. He had been a wreck when he showed up at her house, bursting into tears and flinging himself at her the second she opened the door to let him in. She was guessing it had something to do with his new style, but with Feliks, you never really knew...

"L-Lizzie...?" after a while, he spoke, eyes blinking open to look up at the Hungarian.

"Yeah?" she looked back down at him, a warm smile on her face, "What is it?"

Feliks's voice was unusually soft, eyes flickering with uncertainty, "D-do you think that I'm stupid? O-or, like, do you think that I depend on you too much...? Like, t-to the point where I can't do anything on my own depend... Not just, like, I like having your advice on things depend..."

Quickly, Elizabeta shook her head, a small look of surprise registering on her face, "Of course not! Why would you ever even think of something like that?"

"I-it's nothing..." he mumbled quickly, closing his eyes once more, "Don't worry about it, m'kay?"

"No," she frowned, hand now resting motionlessly on the top of Feliks's head, "Don't 'it's nothing' me, Feliks, because if it was, you wouldn't have bothered bringing it up. So tell me what's up... what brought this on?"

He sat up and sighed, staring intently as his lap as he allowed his friend's hand to fall away, "My boss didn't like our idea..."

"Oh?" the girl began to scowl, wondering in the back of her mind how severe of beating she was going to have to administer for this one, "And what did he have to say about it?"

"Well, first he was all pissy, ranting about how, like, he told me not to do it, and how it's a totally inappropriate thing for a girl do be doing, and blah, blah, blah," he began to get into it, shifting to face Elizabeta and using his hands in order to prove his point, "And so then we fought, and I was, like, trying to explain why it was a totally great idea, but he was dicking off and not listening, so I was getting, like, way pissed off, right? And so, like, I'm sitting there, tying to stay calm, and I'm really doing a fabulous job, 'cause he's been ranting for, like, ever, and I haven't even tried to punch him yet, right? But I'm trying to stay calm, and he just, like, explodes on me, screaming all like, 'NO! I HATE YOU, AND I HATE LIZZIE, TOO, 'CAUSE SHE'S YOUR FRIEND AND SHE HELPS YOU! YOU DO EVERYTHING SHE SAYS BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO THINK FOR YOURSELF! YOU'RE STUPID AND I HATE YOU! RAWR!' And he was being, like, really, really mean, and I seriously just wanted to cry," he pouted, voice going from a mocking shout to a whine in a matter of seconds, tone laced with hurt, "But then I remember what you told me when we talked about me doing this, and I didn't let him know it hurt. And I did good, Lizzie!" his expression morphed once again, suddenly looking proud, "I stood up to him this time, and I didn't let him scare me or anything! And I told him that, like, Poland is my nation, and that I control it and he can't stop me! And, I'm totally way smarter than him anyways, so ha!"

"Oh, Feliks, I'm so proud of you!" the teen squealed, grabbing her friend and hugging him as tightly as she could, "I told you you could do it!"

Ever since he had gotten a new boss, Feliks had been a small emotional wreck. The other man was overly controlling and, like Feliks, was not the type to back down from a fight, things that had made the two enemies from the start. They rarely ever say eye to eye, and arguments were frequent. Soon, however, the fights began to take a heavy toll on Feliks, the harsh words yelled by his boss in a fit of fury burrowing their way into his brain and refusing to leave. It was horrible... No matter how hard he tried, he could never seem to shake the feeling that his boss was right; that he really was stupid and crazy. It was something that, as a friend, Elizabeta just couldn't take... so she told him how to fight back.

"Thank you, Lizzie," he smiled gratefully, returning the embrace, "Thank you, like, so fricken much..."

"It's really nothing~" she laughed and nuzzled the top of his head, grinning, "You know I'd do anything for you~"

And she would. If Feliks had told her that the only way to make things better for him for someone to get rid of his boss, she would have grabbed a gun and done it herself without a second thought. It had taken quite a while to talk her out of that plan, actually... She cared about the Pole more than anyone else in the world. She had to protect him, and they both knew it. Feliks may have declared himself to be a man, but Lizzie was always going to see him as the energetic, fun-loving Felka she had grown up with; the one who was a bit of a priss, but always kept her laughing, and taught her how to... well... how to be a girl

"I love you, Lizzie... you're the best in the world~"

"Love you, too, Fel... even if we both know that you're the best~"

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><p><strong>AN<strong>: I have nothing against any of Poland's "bosses," present or past... really~! It just... fit with the story.


	4. Chapter 4

"Stupid!" Gilbert shouted, starting to laugh, "Just because you say you're a dude doesn't mean you really are one!"

"And who says?" Feliks snarled, his hands balling up into fists at his sides, "Huh?"

"Me!" the Prussian replied, as though that alone was enough to prove his point, "Duh!"

"...And I'm supposed to care...?"

Gilbert's eyes narrowed, clearly angered that Feliks didn't seem to take his word as law, "And the rest of the world does, too! I'm pretty sure it's an undisputed fact that you need a dick to be a guy, y'know?"

"I have more of one than you," he retorted, eyes blazing.

The man snorted, rolling his eyes, "At least I'm not some sort of crappy tranny!"

"Excuse me?" the Pole's voice was dangerous, face full of unmasked hatred, "What was that?"

"You heard me. Dyke."

Without another word, Feliks lunged, tackling the albino to the ground and punching him as hard as he could. He didn't hesitate before hitting him again, then again, fists flying in a fit of rage, each blow drawing a loud cry of pain from the man underneath him. Gilbert fought back, though, landing a few solid hits of his own to the blonde's face, each one met with a soft yelp. The brawl only escalated from there, both nations left battered and bloody when they were finally pulled apart, forced in separate ways. And so the hatred continued...

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><p>"And that's what happened!" Feliks finished, shifting his position on the worn, faded couch, "Prussia was being a bitch, I punched him in the face, he hit back, and so we fought."<p>

"Feliks..." Elizabeta sighed, trying not to look amused, "What are we going to do with you?"

The blonde only laughed, flicking his friend's cheek, "Oh, shush...~ You know you're totally proud of me for fighting back~ Especially since it was Prussia~~!"

"...Touche."

Prussia _had_ been being a bit of a bully lately... not to mention the old rivalry he and Hungary shared... he had made himself quite the enemy. And no matter how hard she tried to hide it, it was clear that Elizabeta absolutely loved to hear of the albino's humiliation. She didn't even know why she tried to deny it anymore, particularly when it came to Feliks; he knew her better than anyone.

"So how've you been lately~?"

"How have... I been?" she said the phrase as though it was foreign to her, something she didn't quite understand, "Wh-what do you mean...?"

Feliks frowned and arched an eyebrow, shooting the girl a questioning look. This wasn't an unexpected question, nor was it something unreasonable; it was the conversation the had every time they met. It was normal. So why was she acting so surprised...? Why did her eyes show how reluctant she was to answer...? Why?

"M'kay, Lizzie, tell me what's up," he frowned harder and turned, looking at the brunette with more seriousness than she had ever known him to possess, "You know you can tell me anything, so get talking."

Elizabeta sighed, closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around herself protectively. She didn't speak.

"It's Prussia again, isn't it?" the blonde growled, eyes narrowing in anger when his question was met with a curt nod, "What'd he do this time, and how badly am I beating him for it?"

The Hungarian gave a soft, halfhearted laugh, but it did nothing to reassure Feliks, who was becoming alarmed by the look of defeat on his friend's face. Hungary didn'tgive in... Hungary fought until she won! Defeat and Lizzie just... it was like saying... it just didn't work!

"Elizabeta, you are going to tell me what that bastard did right now, or I swear...!"

"All right, all right~" she smiled weakly, holding up her hands in a show of mock surrender, "No need to use my name~!"

Feliks didn't smile back, clearly not in the mood for jokes, "_Now_."

"Fine..." the girl sighed, dropping the small bit of cheer she had managed to force, "Do you want me to tell it how it is, or do you want me to sugarcoat it?"

"What the hell do you think?" he snapped, frustrated by Elizabeta's lack of cooperation, "You know I want the truth! I always do!"

"Jeez, Fel, just calm down! You want to know what's happening? Fine! Within the next year, my nation is going to fall! I'll be gone! Dead!" she practically shouted, cheeks flushing with a mix of anger and shame, "There, I said it! Are you happy, now?"

The Pole visibly paled, fear flickering in his eyes, "What? Y-you're kidding, right, Lizzie? R-right?"

Slowly, Elizabeta shook her head, trembling with the strain of trying not to break down, "I wish I could say I was... but I'm not, Feliks... I-I'm not..."

"Oh, Lizzie..." he wrapped his arms around her as tightly as he could, as though holding her could stop the pain, "Lizzie... what happened? H-how can I help? You know I'll do anything for you... anything in the world."

He offered his help to her, but he did not apologize; he did not offer pointless condolences. They had been friends long enough for Feliks to know that pity would only agitate her.

"I... I don't really think that there's anything that you can do, at this point..." she murmured, leaning into his arms, "Just wait for it to happen, I suppose..."

The Pole sighed, but shoved the Hungarian's words to the back of his mind, far more concerned about learning just _how_ this was happening.

"What'd he do?"

"I-it... it wasn't just him..." Elizabeta spoke softly, clearly not wanting to admit that she had been beaten, "He started with his invasions, yeah, but you know I always fought him off... it was never a big deal. But you know how after a battle, you're all weak and drained from it...? Well, a few other nations decided to take advantage of that... they invaded. And I'm pretty sure I'm not getting better. They're going to keep on taking my land and attacking me, and I'm not going to have the strength to stop them... I can't build back up if they keep invading me like that..." she sighed, shoulders slumping in defeat, "And nothing can change it. I'm going to fall, and they're going to take my land... and that's that."

"L-Lizzie..." Feliks's mind was reeling, heart pounding in his chest, "There has to be something we can do to stop this...! Anything...! B-but it can't be hopeless!"

"It is, though..." she shrugged, looking rather resigned, "And we've just got to deal with it. I've had a long life... nice... more than most people could ever hope for. It's like they say, don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

"But there's so much you haven't done!"he protested, "There has to be a way to stop it!"

"Feliks," she frowned, pulling back to look him in the eye, "There's nothing you can do. Give it up. It'll only make things harder if you waste your time on a lost cause."

Feliks's lower lip trembled, tears filling his eyes at just the thought of losing Lizzie. She was his best friend! She had been with him through everything! She was strong and brave, and she never gave up! Feliks didn't show respect towards a lot of people, but both of the nations were well aware that Elizabeta had earned it years ago... he even admired her a bit, really. The thing that had first drawn him to the brunette had been her refusal to be beaten down! Where did everyone thing Feliks's stubborn nature came from? It was only because Hungary had taught him that you could never let anyone bring you down! So why was she...?

"Elizabeta, you are _not_ giving up!" the blonde said fiercely, looking back at her with a sort of determination evident in his eyes, "We're gonna get you through this, damn it, and you know it, so don't you dare say we won't!"

"Feliks, as much as I'd love to believe that, it's not going to happen! You can't just stop death because you don't like it! It doesn't work like that! You-"

He cut her off, "Lizzie, just shut up! If you don't think that this can be prevented, fine, don't believe me, but for God's sake, don't try and stop me from helping! I'm gonna stop you from falling or fricken die trying!"

"Feliks..." she frowned, stopping when she saw the tears beginning to stream down his cheeks.

"I can't lose you, Lizzie!" he whispered, voice almost inaudible as he clung to her with desperation, "I-I just can't!"

"Feliks..." she rocked him slowly, a hollow sort of sadness on her face, "Please don't cry... I'll listen, okay? As unlikely as it is, I'll keep an open mind... I'll help you find a way to do this, all right? J-just please don't cry...!"

He nodded, sniffling pathetically and leaning on her, "A-all right... but I c-can't lose you, Lizzie! I can't, I can't, I can't!"

"All right, Feliks..." she murmured, burying her face into his hair, "I get it... a-and I'll try to beat this... I'll try to stay safe... pinky promise."

He nodded again, linking their pinkies together and letting out a shuddery sob. He couldn't be about to lose her... he just couldn't.

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>So, like... just to explain why Elizabeta said "No need to use my name," Feliks has a nickname for everyone, be it a variation of their name, like Liet or Lizzie, or something completely different, like asswad for Prussia. |D /shot. But that's how you can tell he's being serious... he stops with the nicknames. And, uh, yeah... |D Just saying. And feel free to review~ CB I love you guys~


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: So, like, a lot of people have been asking me just when this fic takes place, so I've decided to explain this to you once and for all. Your answer?**

**I have no fucking idea. OTL**

**Now, some of you are probably wondering how the hell a writer doesn't know when their story takes place, but I can explain! When I was writing the prologue-ish thing for this, I had legitimately had nothing planned out, and I didn't even intend on continuing it, much less posting it on here. It was just one of those small little idea that wouldn't stop poking at my brain and I wanted to get out, you know? For this, all I know was that it was going to be back when Poland was rising, and that he was going to be dead set on becoming a strong, respectable nation. Oh, and that he would've been born with tits. :I ...Aaaanyways. I just knew that it was going to be around that timeframe, and that was that. And like I said before, I didn't plan on actually doing anything with this, so I never bother coming up with much of a plot. OTL So let's just set this in an alternate universe, and the characters are all in their mid-teens. Whoo~! 8D /shot**

**Also. I'm super duper sorry that it's taken me so fricken long to get this updated. OTL I've had the hugest case of writer's block lately, and my brain just doesn't want to cooperate with me. I swear, you have no idea how many times I just scrapped the entire chapter and restarted because it was all just turning out like shit. OTL**

**Also. Sorry for the cursing and jumbled-ness in this chapter. I'm kind of writing Feliks's thought pattern here, so it's all zooming in like BAM! And he's just got a potty mouth, particularly when stressed. :I**

**And that's all, my dears! You don't have to listen to my stupid excuses anymore. Cx On with the fic~!**

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><p>"FUCK!" Feliks shrieked, whipping his stuffed pony at the wall, "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! FUCKING HELL!"<p>

He couldn't take it anymore! He had spent two fucking weeks trying to find a way to help Lizzie, and where had that gotten him? Absolutely fucking nowhere! Two weeks wasted! He had done everything he could think of, reading and researching, even going so far as to ask other nations for advice! That was big! Feliks didn't 'do' strangers, and he definitely didn't ask them from help! The only help he would ever accept was Elizabeta's, and she wasn't going to be of much use in this case! And no matter what he did, Feliks was still left with nothing! If anything, he had taken a step back! The more time that passed, the less hopeful he became... the more he began to wonder if maybe Lizzie was right... maybe this _was_ a lost cause...

"NO!" he shouted, as if he thought that it might scare away the possibility of failure, "I'M NOT GIVING UP ON LIZZIE!"

He hadn't spent the past two weeks working harder than he ever had in his entire life just to give up! He hadn't deprived himself of sleep and skipped meals, searching endlessly for a solution, so that he could quit before the job was done! He wasn't about to let his best friend die was too much work for him, too bothersome! Elizabeta had always been there for him, and damn it, he was going to return the favor or go down with her!

"Think, Feliks..." he mumbled, pulling his knees to his chest, "There's gotta be something you can do... you just haven't thought of it, yet!"

He had asked everyone he could get to if they had ever been through something like this, or even if they had just hurt heard if it, but it had been useless; not even China knew. How could China not know? He was old, he had lived through a lot! If anyone knew what to do, it would be him. Feliks sure as hell didn't.

...Or did he?

Come to think of it, he had never really stopped to consider that maybe he might know what to do... he had just figured that he was clueless, and that was that. He had never saved another nation before, so how was he supposed to know what to do? Pretending the he did just seemed like a huge waste of his time.

That was his mistake.

"Holy _fuck_, I'm stupid!" the Pole grinned, letting out laugh that was full to the brim of glee and relief, "I'm such a fucking idiot!"

He _had_ stopped a nation from falling before! Lithuania! Granted, the man hadn't ever been as weak as Lizzie was, but Feliks had saved him! If it wasn't for him, Lithuania would be dead and gone! ..Not that Toris hadn't saved his ass before... but that was why they had been a team! When they had been weak, their bosses had made an agreement; they had formed a commonwealth. And all he and Toris had to do was get married! So what if he and Lizzie did that, too? All they had to do was convince their bosses to let them form an alliance, and poof, Polish-Hungarian Commonwealth! Lizzie would be saved! She would be okay! Oh, why hadn't he thought of it before? It was so simple, and there weren't even any repercussions! Hungary would be stable and safe, and that would be that! _And_ they would be able to spend more time together! Sure, he would have to fight his boss for it, but that was nothing, they argued all the time, anyways! The only thing even a teeny tiny bit negative about forming a commonwealth was that, well... they would be a commonwealth. No big deal. Feliks knew fully well the downfalls that could come with forfeiting his nationhood, but honestly, he didn't care! The consequences of downgrading were only minor bumps in the road, they wouldn't hold him back! If he and Elizabeta had made it this far once, they could sure as hell do it again! A bit of power and respect wasn't a high price to pay, and they would probably wind up earning it all back, anyways! They might even take over the world, someday... then they'd be respected! Everyone else would have to respect them! Besides, the commonwealth was only until they could they could get Hungary back onto her feet, and then everything would go back to how it was before. ...Except they'd totally wind up earning more power. And one day, they would even take down Prussia! That would show him who was boss! Oh, Feliks couldn't wait~!

...Hang on a second...

"DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! I BECAME A GUY FOR NOTHING?"


	6. Chapter 6

AN: I'm so sorry it's taken so long! ;;! I've been having serious motivation issues lately... OTL Thankfully, someone (coughcoughJILL~) encouraged me to get off of my lazy ass and update this for you. So this one's for her. Cx ~

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><p>"It's always something with you, isn't it?" the man asked, eyes narrowed, "But you like that, don't you? You like making life difficult for me."<p>

"Sir, that's-"

"Is that your goal, Feliks?" he inturrupted, "To make my life a living hell? Because you're doing a pretty damn good job!"

"Stop being stupid!" the blonde folded his arms, glaring, "You know that's not true! Jeez, and you call _me_ dramatic!"

"That's because you are!" his boss glared back, already at the end of his rope, "And either way, I fail to see how refusing to form an alliance with a weak, crumbling nation can count as anything but common sense!"

"But we have to-"

"We don't have to do shit!" Feliks was cut off again, causing him to growl, "We have no obligation whatsoever to help Hungary or it's people, and we are _not_ forming an alliance!"

"You may not feel obligated to help Lizzie, but I do! And to me, it's not even about old debts or something like that, it's because she's my friend! She's been my best friend for so long, and I love her so much..." his voice cracked, eyes welling up with tears, "I-I can't lose her..."

"Oh, don't give me that shit," the Pole scoffed, voice dripping with disbelief; he was far too used to Feliks using tears to get what he wanted, "It's still a no."

"B-but we've gotta help Lizzie!" his hands went you to rub at his eyes, trying to stop the tears before they fell, "We can't just... not!"

"Oh, yes we can!" his boss eplied, beginning to busy himself with paperwork, acting as though Feliks was but a small inconvenience to him, "Hungary is not getting so much as a single ounce of help from us, and that is that!"

"But we have to save-!"

"No, we don't!" he inturrupted yet again, annoyance bubbling back up inside of him, "Have you ever stopped to consider that Hungary doesn't d_eserve_ our help? If a nation can't even support itself, how can it expect to deserve the support of other nations? It can't! It doesn't deserve it at all!"

The tears were gone instantly, Feliks's grief replaced by anger, and he growled, hands balling into fists, "Don't you _dare_ say that Elizabeta doesn't deserve our help! Don't you fucking _dare_! There is absolutely nothing in the world that she hasn't earned, and the fact that you can say otherwise makes you even dumber than I thought!"

"_Feliks-_"

"Don't you 'Feliks' me! You're the one being an idiot!"

"Feliks don't you-!"

"No, don't _you_! I swear, you are so fucking stupid sometimes! It makes me wanna punch you in your fat fucking face!" he was furious, now; even the birds outside had gone silent to listen as his voice echoed throughout the room, "So don't give me that bullshit! You're being a fucking dumbass, and I fully intend on helping Lizzzie, so just shut up and let it happen, damn it!"

The man dropped his papers back onto his desk and stood, voice a low growl, "Now you listen here, you little wentch! No matter what you say or what you change, you will never be anything more than a stupid little girl! You're useless! You're never going to amount to anything, and the day you come up with a good idea will be the day Hell freezes over! You. Are. _Nothing_! And you never will be! So just sit back and let the big boys work, because you are _never_ going to make it!"

The anger drained from Feliks as fast as it had come, leaving him weak and vulnerable to the other Pole's words. His shoulders slumped as the fury drained from his eyes, only to be replaced by tears. His boss was right... he was never going to be anything, and there was nothing he could do about it.

That's why Elizabeta would be so much more deserving of his land.

"I-I... I..."

"Exactly! You can't do shit, so stop trying to act all big and strong!"

Feliks whimpered softly, lower lip trembling. This was _not_ going as he had planned, not even remotely so... and he couldn't take it! He wasn't going to save Lizzie, his boss was being an asshole, and to top it all off, he was the most pathetic nation to have ever existed! He was nothing! He was nothing, his boss hated him, and Lizzie was going to die! What was he supposed to do? Th-there was nothing he _could_ do...!

So he cried.

"P-p-please!"

He was bawling, now, shoulders shaking as he sank to his kees, tears streaming down his cheeks. He couldn't do this! His sobs were loud and pitiful, like a trapped kitten, filled with the sort of agony that just makes you want to sit down and cry as well. It was heartbreaking...

"Feliks..." his expression softened, voice noticeably kinder; he had never expected for Feliks to actually _cry_ over it, "F-Feliks, please..."

"P-please, sir..." he pleaded softly, wiping his eyes with his sleeves, though it did nothing to stop the tears, "H-haven't you ever l-loved someone? A-a wife, maybe... kids... a-anyone! Haven't you ever had someone you loved too much to lose? Someone that you wanted to stay with forever, romantically or not? Y-you can't tell me you've never had someone like that!"

"...My wife," he murmured, eyes cast downwards, "And our daughter... or little baby girl... brown hair and blue eyes, and she just lights up the room..."

And there was hope.

"She sounds beautiful, sir..." he sniffled softly, struggling to recompose himself, "What's her name?"

"Czesława..."

"Pretty..." he closed his eyes, praying for his plan to work, "And she means the world to you, doesn't she?"

His boss nodded, still looking down.

"Then imagine... what would if do if Czesława was do die? Wouldn't that hurt?"

Another nod, short and pained.

"Then think about this... what if she was dying, but you know how to save her? What if it was a simple sort of thing... but you couldn't do that. Wouldn't that hurt?"

"Like crazy..." his voice cracked and he reached into his pocket, pulling out a handkerchief and dabbing at his eyes, "Oh, dear God up above, that would hurt..."

...Woah. That took Feliks by surprise. As asinine as it sounded, he had never actually though of his boss as an actual person with an actual life; to Feliks, he was just that impossible jerk who thought he knew everything. And despite all of the times they had fought, and all of the screams, slaps, and curses they had exchanged, the blonde had never seen the other man show even the slightest sign that he could feel pain. And now here he was, sitting in front of him and crying into his hands. To Feliks, his boss seemed so much more... real.

He wasn't sure how much he liked that.

"See? It'd be, like... freaking unbearable..."

His boss nodded slowly, wiping his eyes, "I-I would never forgive myself..."

"Exactly..." he murmured, struggling to keep eye contact, "A-and... Lizzie is my Czesława... We've known each other since we were kids, and she's like a sister to me... I love her just as much as you love your baby girl..." he ducked his head down, voice growing softer as he fought back another round of tears, "S-so please... don't make me go through that... don't let me lose her... I-I can't do that...

His boss was silent for a moment, trying to recompose himself before he spoke, and Feliks could practically see the inner battle he had going on inside of his head; emotions pitted against his common sense. Feliks could only hope his emotions won...

"Please, sir... p-please..."

Neither of them looked at each other, staring down at their hands in a silence that stretched longer and longer, both fearing the moment it was broken. Neither made a sound, one lost in thought, the other in prayer. When his boss finally cleared his throat to speak, Feliks jumped, squeaking loudly as his heart began to race.

"...Fine.

A single word lit up Feliks's world, face breaking into a grin as his eyes shone. He was crying again, but this time, he was too damn happy to care.

"Th-thank you!" he practically dove over the desk, squeezing the man in as tight of a hug as he could and laughing, thanking him again and again, "Thank you! Thank you so much!"

"Yeah, yeah..." he muttered, though he was sure Feliks couldn't hear him over his constant sobs of thanks, "Just don't let me down..."


	7. Chapter 7

"Feliks, I really can't let you do this... I can't..." Elizabeta murmured, staring down at her hands, folded on her lap. She had grown skinnier since Feliks last saw her... paler, too. Her cheekbones were more pronounced, and she had heavy bags under her eyes, as if she hadn't slept in weeks, something that Feliks was very willing to bet was true.

"Uh, yeah, you can. I just fought the _fuck_ out of my boss, Lizzie, if you think I'm gonna let you turn this down, you're fricken crazy...!"

...Why was none of this going as planned? They were supposed to just say yes! Even if his boss was too much of an asshole to agree, Elizabeta was cool! She was supposed to let him do it! How could she not?

"Feliks... it's only going to drag you down... I don't want that... I don't want to see my best friend as weak as me. Yes, I want to get better, but not at your expense. I'm not worth someone else's life."

"Uh, yeah, you are!" he argued, pouting and stomping his foot, looking almost like a child having a tantrum as he stood in front of her, "I think you're going crazy, too, 'cause you know you're worth, like, the entire world. And more than that, too!"

The Hungarian shook her head, still staring at her hands, as if they were the ones speaking to her rather than Feliks, "No, Feliks... that's not true and you know it. Even at my best, I was never worth that much. Just because I'm your friend doesn't mean that I'm the greatest person out there..."

"Yu-huh!" he pouted, a hint of shrillness appearing in his voice, "And if not for yourself, then do it for me, damn it! I'm way too fucking selfish to let you go and die on me, and if you think for even one second that I'm gonna stop caring about myself and let you do what you want, then you really are crazy!"

The Hungarian finally looked up, a small, hardly noticeable smile on her face. But it was a smile.

"I guess I should know you too well by now to expect that...~"

"Damn right, you should!" he put his hands on his hips, though he was starting to sound playful, knowing that this was an argument he was going to win, "And if you die, I'll kill you!"

"But Fel-"

"DON'T CORRECT ME."

And with that, they were both flat on the couch, laughing until they cried. It was funny, really, how a simple thing could bring the joy back into their lives. Feliks liked it.

And he had her convinced.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> Sorry it's so short and shit. I've been rather... unmotivated lately. And seeing as two chapters have gone by with no reviews, I can't help but to worry that everyone has lost interest. It's probably just me, but... yeah. |D So please, please support me, you guys. I need it. |D


	8. Chapter 8

When all was said and done, that must have been the _blandest_, most quickly done, suckish wedding to ever grace the Earth. And, honestly, that pissed Feliks off. In his opinion, Elizabeta deserved a wedding worthy of gods. And so did he, because he was pretty fucking fabulous, mind you. It was hard to be that fabulous. But he supposed he couldn't complain. Elizabeta was safe, and he could see her recovering. Besides, it wasn't as though they were really in love... It was more of a last resort-precaution-thing. He supposed an amazing wedding could be saved for their real loves. But only because he wasn't given a choice. But hey, beggars can't be choosers, right? He guessed so.

But it was okay. The papers were signed, their nations were one, and Lizzie was slowly regaining her strength. She was starting to smile more, wanting to go out with Feliks again, so much that she hadn't had the strength to do before... And best of all, she was making fun of Prussia again! She had the best impression...~

"Vhat~?" She grinned, arching an eyebrow, and leaned back on the couch, "Vhat do you mean I'm not avesome~? Vhy cunt I talk right~?"

Not that her accent was much better, but Feliks was too busy laughing to point that out. He was sure his was just as bad as hers, if not worse, but that was beside the point!

...Not that their impressions had a point.

ANYWAYS.

Lizzie was getting better! And every night, he kneeled beside his bed and prayed as hard as he could that it would stay that way. He swore, he would do every super good, brilliant, and totally fucking amazing deed there ever was to keep Lizzie safe! He would never doubt God again, no matter how bad things got, he swore! He would give homes to the people on the streets, even if they were crazy, and he would donate all of his money! Just please, God, please let Lizzie stay strong! And then, one day, she would get back on her feet, and then they'd be the rulers of the world together!

Just please let her stay okay...

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong>So, so sorry it's taken forever to update... My fucking computer broke again. Yeah. I know. Again. So I'm kind of... It's hard to write. |D And it doesn't help how unmotivated I am. OTL But I'll keep trying to crank it out, I swear!

Andcanyousayforeshadowing? I mean what, I didn't just say anything. Crazies. c:


	9. Chapter 9

This wasn't working.

She hated to admit it, but it wasn't… it wasn't working at all…. No matter what Feliks did, Elizabeta was slowly but surely falling… She couldn't deny it any longer… she was going to die. She was a lost cause. Hopeless. A failure. Hungary, the proud, headstrong nation who refused to take shit from a_nyone_ was finally falling. But how? How had this happened? Elizabeta had done everything she could think of to keep her nation—and people—safe and strong. So how? How could it be that a useless, arrogant bastard like Prussia could be the one that took her down! It was insane! Monstrous! It was blasphemy! It just couldn't be true…! …But it was…

The words echoed faintly in the Hungarian's head, a bitter reminder of what was yet to come… death. The fall of a nation, the rise of another… It wasn't right! But it was reality… and she hadn't even been able to bring herself to think of the worst part, yet…

Feliks. Poland, Felka, Fel. Whatever you wanted to call this nation, he was her biggest concern. Why? The answer was quite simple.

Feliks had sacrificed so much to become a strong nation, but he had given up even more to help a friend. A weak, stupid, useless, hopeless, failure of a friend! And it wouldn't even help! It would all go to waste, because Hungary was going to fall! Joining nations hadn't helped, it had hurt! And do you want to know why? Because when she and Feliks's nations merged, they had become on freaking piece of land! They were still their own people, of course, but they held the same territory! They represented the same place! If Hungary's section of the land was to fall, then Poland's part would follow right behind her! She had begun to accept she was falling, but that didn't mean she was going to drag Feliks down, too! She couldn't let him get hurt…

But there was another problem… Fel would _never_ abandon someone he cared about, much less his best friend! He simply wouldn't do it, not even if his life depended on it. Which, in this case, it did.

..So she would just have to make him…

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> So, hey, you guys. I'm going to start updating more often, again. C: Yay~ For some reason, school starting drives me to write more. Not that it gives me an excuse to procrastinate or anything. The fic is almost done~ I have the next chapter written in my notebook, and the one after that halfway done~ I'm not sure if there will be another after that… we'll just see how it goes~ I might go back to different chapters in the fic and edit my work, so don't be surprised of some changes appear. I just need to work on consistency and the like, because it's severely annoying me that my writing is everywhere at once. But anyways, I should be done fairly soon, so keep an eye out~

Oh, and sorry that this chapter is so short... for some reason, the only way I seem to be able to get things done lately is if they're a bit short. On the bright side, the updates come faster~!


	10. Chapter 10

The brunette took a deep breath, trying desperately to chase the doubt from her mind. This was the right thing to do… it would save Feliks's life… If she did this, she could separate herself from him just long enough for her to die. As morbid as it sounded, that's what she had to do… But she would write to him! She would write him a note explaining it all and leave it for him to get once she was gone. Tell him what happened… beg for him to forgive her, dead or not… make sure he knows he can't feel responsible for any of this, because heaven only knows he will…

She shook her head, wiping her eyes to make sure no tears had spilled over, and just breathed. In… out… in… out... All right… sh-she could do this. She _had _to do this.

"Feliks!" she knocked on the door, surprised at how clearly her voice rang out. She sounded so normal… "Feliks, open up! It's important!"

"Hang on!" she could hear him running down the stairs, hands undoubtedly raking through his already pristine blonde hair, trying desperately to make it look better, "Be there in a second!"

"Hurry!"

The faster he answered, the faster it would be over, and, Lord, did she want this to end.

"Lizzie!" the delighted look in his eyes killed her, "How're you~?"

She thought she was going to puke.

"Feliks… we have to talk."

The small quiver in her voice instantly dimmed the joy; he had known her for too long to expect anything good to follow.

"Feliks, your boss was right," she sounded more certain, now, voice stern and steady, "We're being stupid, and we have to stop."

"Wh-what?" his voice was already timid, eyes widening as they always did when he became upset, "Why?"

"Well, one, you are a full-grown woman. You are not a man, and it's high time you stopped pretending to be one! You don't get any respect as a woman? You don't get any by going on with this masquerade of yours, either! And would you like to know why? It's because you don't deserve it! You're immature and obnoxious, and _no one _is going to respect a nation that acts like a child!"

That's what Elizabeta had to do; tear him down, make him hate her. The tears welling up in his eyes told her that she was doing it right.

"B-but Lizzie—"

"No!" she cut him off, "No buts! You need to grow the hell up! It's a shock to me that you've even managed to make it this far in life! And another thing! You have absolutely no respect for the people around you! None! It's always about you! You, you, you, you, you!"

Feliks was crying openly, now, tears pouring down his cheeks as his shoulder shook with sobs. His best friend… his best friend in the whole wide would really hated him that much? After all they had been through?

"Oh, stop crying already!" she scoffed, though she felt tears of her own pricking at her own eyes, "You're such a baby! I mean, really, Feliks, you're always so dramatic about everything! You—"

"JUST SHUT UP!" the Pole screamed, finding his voice once more, "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! I DON'T EVEN WANNA HEAR IT! IF YOU HATE ME SO FUCKING MUCH, THEN WE'RE DONE! AS FRIENDS, AS ALLIES, AS EVERYTHING! _DONE_! SO JUST GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"Praise the Lord," Elizabeta rolled her eyes, turning and walking down the driveway as fast as she could. She had to get away, to forget the image of her sobbing friend, looking so broken and betrayed… so alone.

It wasn't until she heard the door slam shut that she allowed herself to cry, legs working on their own as she broke into a run. She hated this…! She hated it!

She couldn't wait to die.


	11. Chapter 11

When Feliks found out that Elizabeta had died, it felt as though he had been hit by a ton of bricks. His stomach hurt and his brain was full of fuzz and confusion, but, oddly enough, he didn't cry. He simply couldn't do it. The tears didn't come until a few days later, when his boss handed him a small envelope, his name written on the outside in a very familiar sort of handwriting.

The letter was neat, though stained by tears, and each word he read shattered his heart.

_Felka,_

_First off, I love you so much. You're my best friend in the world, and I could never even begin to believe any of the horrible things I told you last month. I had to do, it though, Fel, please understand that. I had to make you hate me. I had to push you away, but not for the reasons you'd probably think. It sounds so cliché, the whole "hurt them to save them" act, but sometimes, when it all comes down to it, it's what you need to do. If we had stayed together as one, you wouldn't be alive to read this letter. _

_Yes, that means I knew I would die. That means that I accepted it. I knew you wouldn't, though. I knew you'd cling to the hope that I'd live, and be willing to go down with me if it came to it. And don't you shake your head at me, Fel, because I know how you work. Admit it. You would have done exactly that, wouldn't you? If I had sat you down and said, "Felka, we need to stop this. I'm still falling, and if we don't end it, you're going to fall, too," you know you wouldn't have listened to me. You still would have tried to save me. And I love that about you. You never give up. But I could never let you get hurt like that, just because you were too damn loyal to let me go. You know I could never do that. No way. And just as much as I know that you wouldn't let me die, I also know that you've got a temper. It's not a bad thing, I love that you're not afraid to defend yourself, but I know that if I took things just a bit too far, you would be done with me. You know when something isn't right for you. So I had to do it… I had to ensure that you would want nothing to do with me. If we broke off all ties, then I knew you would live. I could die happy knowing that; your safety has always been my biggest concern. Will dying alone be horrible? Absolutely. Is it hard knowing that I hurt you like I did? It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But I remember the good times, remind myself that this is going to let you live, and suddenly, I'm okay. I know that if I can just manage to remember our friendship, I can die with a smile on my lips._

_Knowing you, right now you'll probably be wondering how I knew I would fall. Fel, it's almost happened to me once before, I know the signs. You may not have been able to pick up on it, but I was. After just a few days, I could see the hope start to leave your eyes; watched as your movements became weak. The same was happening to me. Honestly, it was only the tiniest bit, too little for anyone who hasn't been through it to notice. Not much of a big deal. But __**I've**__ been through it. __**I **__noticed. And less than a week later, I had a horrible feeling of dread gnawing away at my stomach. I couldn't take it. I knew I would fall, and I knew I had to save you. So I did._

_Felka, don't ever think that saying those terrible things to you was easy for me, because it wasn't. It was so hard for me to betray you like that, watching how horrible every damn word I spoke hurt you. Seeing you cry was all but unbearable. I didn't even make it home before I got sick, that guilty knot in my stomach leaving me heaving in the middle of the street, vomit covering the pavement in front of me. I was disgusted with myself. And after that, all I could really do was cry._

_Felka, have you ever seen me cry? I don't think so… not very hard, anyways. We were the closest friends in the world, but I've never been able to cry in front of people… I'm too proud, I think. Hell, I don't even like crying when I'm alone. But Fel, let me tell you, I got home that night, and I sobbed harder than I even thought was possible. Knowing I had upset you shattered my heart into a million pieces. I'm crying, now, too, but you've probably already guessed it. By the time I'm done writing this, I'm sure it will be positively covered in tearstains. I hope it's still legible…_

_If I could have told you what was going on in person, I could have. Felka, you have no idea what I would give right now for one last hug from you… To hear you laugh one more time, to have just one more talk with you as friends… dear God, Felka, I would give anything in the world for even the briefest moment with you right now. You're my best friend… I miss you._

_And Fel? I'm scared, right now… so scared. It's funny, though, because it's not for the reasons you would normally think. Am I scared that Heaven doesn't exist? Maybe a bit. Am I afraid of going to Hell, instead? I guess I am. But most of all, I'm so terrified that you won't forgive me. I know I'll be dead, but right now, the idea that you'll never love me again is the scariest thing I can think of. Dead or alive, I would never be able to endure you always hating to me, knowing that I've broken your trust like that… I couldn't. So please, __**please**__ don't be mad at me, Fel. Even if you're upset, don't hate me, okay? Don't be mad… because I'm so scared._

_I know that I must have said this a hundred times by now, but I could have never meant what I said, and I'm so, so sorry… don't you dare believe a word of it. You're not childish or obnoxious, and you certainly deserve more respect than you get. You've earned mine for sure. You're such an amazing young woman, and I know that as you grow, you'll become even better, as impossible as that sounds for someone as perfect as you. You're strong, both physically and in will, and gorgeous to boot. I know that you can do anything you set your mind to. You're the best friend anyone could ever hope to have, and I can't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have you in my love. And no matter what happens, you're always going to be the same little girl I met all those years ago. To me, you'll always be Felka. My best friend. Remember the good times, not the bad, all right?_

_There's something else I have to say, and Felka Łukasiewicz, you'd better listen to me, because this is the most important thing yet. Don't you __**ever**__ think that me falling was your fault. You did everything in your power to save me, and__** I'm**__ the one who ended our alliance, not you. I would never have brought you down with me. No matter what we did, Fel, I would have wound up dying, anyways, so please don't beat yourself up over not going down with me. Got it? My dying wish is, and always will be, for you to be able to live. Don't let yourself fall into that "survivor's guilt" crap or whatever, okay?_

_Felka, thank you so much. For everything. Thank you for being my friend, thank you for never abandoning me, and thank you for all of the amazing memories, too. Just… thank you for it all. Most of all, though, thank you for letting me into my life. No matter what was going on, being with you could always make me smile, and the most amazing moments of my life were always with you. Always with my best friend. So thank you for that…_

_This letter sounds so cheesy, I know, but every single word of it is true. There's so much more for me to say, but I can't get it into words, and I'm so sorry… I just want to finish with this. Please, don't ever forget me… but don't dwell on my death, either. Remember who I was and the fun we had, but don't stay stuck on our fight, or the fact that I've… well… that I've died. Because by the time you get this, I will be dead. Don't let me consume your life, all right? Keep on living like I wanted you to, and __**never**__ give up. Did you hear me? No matter what happens, be it the pain from my death, or anything else that happens in your life, don't give into the misery. Keep on going. Push through my death and any other obstacles in your way, because I know you can. But don't forget me either, okay? Please don't… please. Even if there are just little things that remind you of me, don't let them go…_

_I'm sorry, Felka, so, so sorry about how it had to end, but at least now you know why. Words could never even begin to describe how much I love you, Fel. Never. You've always been my best friend in the world, and I'll always love you so much for that. If nothing else, at least remember that for me, okay? I love you so, so much, no matter what happens… I love you. Always. XOXO._

_Stay strong,_

_Lizzie_

When she was finally done reading, all Felka could do was cry.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> First off, yes, at the end, I do realize that I've put Felka. There is a reason, and you will find out next chapter. If you're smart, you'll figure it out from this chapter. Secondly, you have no idea how hard I cried while writing this. OTL All I could think of was how horrible they both must have felt. ;~; And lastly, I know it sounds formal for a letter to a best friend, but you try writing a letter to explain everything when you're dying. :| Nah, I just figured it may have got a bit... formal. Dramatic. It just seemed to fit. C|


	12. Chapter 12

"I'll never forget you, Lizzie… I love you, too... A-and I miss you…"

Those were the first words Felka spoke after she read her friend's letter. It took almost a week for her to finally talk, but she did, eyes full of tears as she peered into the casket in front of her, kneeled respectfully before it. She didn't want to speak, but she had to… this would be her last chance to tell her. Sure, she could visit Elizabeta's grave, but this was something that needed to be said face to face. It sounded strange, but it was true…

The second time she spoke, it was to Lithuania.

"I'm not Feliks anymore…"

Almost ten minutes had past, and she was still knelt in front of that damn box… He had asked if she needed any help, or maybe he had asked if she was okay… she couldn't really tell. The only word she had really heard in that sentence was 'Feliks,' and she knew she wasn't him anymore. Definitely not. She was a girl. The girl Elizabeta had known. She was Felka. Not Feliks. _Felka_. And there was a difference there. She was starting to realize that, now, though it was sort of vague. It had been hard to think lately… she had been too busy thinking about Lizzie.

….Lizzie….

Somehow, that was all it took to send her over the edge. The tears came pouring out, loud sobs escaping from between her lips, full of so many emotions as they echoed throughout the room. Guilt, shock, horror, agony… all blending together to create a mournful tune. Her forehead was pressed against the side of the casket, hands gripping the edges as she cried, feeling as though if she let go, she would be losing her grip on everything. There were so many things she wished she had told her friend, so many things she had planned on saying… but she had never gotten the chance. And now she never would. She would never get to hear her laugh again, sitting on the worn couch in her living room, mocking Prussia or simply sharing gossip. She would never see the Hungarian's bright, kind smile again, the one thing that could always make her feel hopeful, or run her fingers enviously through her gorgeous chocolaty hair. She would never get to spend another night at her house, or stay up until the sun rose talking about the stupidest things, just happy to be spending time with her best friend. She wouldn't get to do anything with her ever again… and it hurt. It hurt like someone was tearing her apart from the inside, and there wasn't a single thing she could do about it.

Their last conversation had been a fight, too… her worst fear. Even when she was little, she could never seem to let someone walk away from an argument; she was always too afraid that she would never see them again. What if they died, and the last thing she had ever said to them was something nasty? They might die not knowing how much she loved them. And that's just what had happened. Their fight had left Felka with nothing but loathing for the other woman, so badly that she had almost _wanted_ her to die. B-but only almost…! And now… now she knew the truth. She knew why her friend had done it, and it only made her feel that much worse… Why had she been so stupid? How could she not have seen how obviously Elizabeta had been working to protect her? It should have been the other way around! She should have been protecting Lizzie! And she didn't, and now it was too late! Now, she was dead! She was dead, and it was all Felka's fault! All Felka's fault… she had killed Elizabeta! Her best friend! She had backed out of their alliance because of a simple fucking fight, and Hungary had paid the ultimate price! Why her? Why such a sweet, caring girl? Why someone who had so fucking much to give? Why not someone like Felka? At this point, she didn't even deserve to exist! Just… just why Lizzie?

"Oh, God, why did you have to take her?" the blonde bawled, hardly even conscious of the fact she was speaking aloud, "Out of all the people You could have taken, it had to have been Elizabeta? SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND!" her voice was raising, now, makeup running down her cheeks with her tears as she reached into the coffin, gripping her dead friend's hand in her own, "I loved her so much! And what in the world has she ever done to You? What has she ever done to _anyone_ but make them happy? LOOK AT HOW MANY PEOPLE LOVE HER!"

People were staring, now, but Felka didn't notice, far too gone to even really care. It was a surprise she could even manage to form words, really, crying as hard as she was. Poor girl was hysterical…

"What kind of God would take such an amazing woman from us when she was so fucking young?" she shouted, voice steady despite the tears streaming down her face, though a soft sob managed to slip between her lips every now and again, "How could You let this happen? She had so much to love for, so many things she had never done…! And now, she'll never get to do them! She'll never fall in love, or get married, or have kids! She's never going to open her eyes again! Do you get that, God?She's never going to speak to me ever again, and it feels like my heart's been split in two! I got her apology, but I will _never _be able to tell her that I forgive her. I'll never be able to tell her that I'm sorry, too, or how fucking much she means to me! Does that make you happy, God? Do you get some sick, twisted pleasure out of hurting us? Do you _like_ knowing that not a day will go by that I won't think about Lizzie, or that every day, I'm gonna regret so much not being able to tell her everything I needed to? And maybe it's selfish, but I loved her so damn much! WE ALL LOVED HER! So why couldn't she just say? SHE WAS MY EVERYTHING, GOD! EVERYTHING! So, what do you expect me to do, now? She deserved so much more than You let her have, and You know it! You fucking know it! And… and I hate You! I hate You so much! I hate you, God!" she shrieked, looking for a brief moment as though she had gone mad, "I hate You, I hate You, I hate You!"

It was only then that she noticed the people around her looking on and shock, unsure of what to make of such an outburst, and remembered that she wasn't alone. Shit… Toris was the only one in the room moving, striding back in her direction with the obvious intent to control her. He and Lizzie had always been the only two able to calm her down… And now Elizabeta was gone... She had to make this quick.

She leaned down, giving each of her friend's cheeks a tender, loving kiss, and tried to gain control of herself once more, forcing herself to speak through her sobs, "It's okay, Lizzie… i-it's all okay. I-I'm not mad at all, and I'm so, so sorry for being such a dick to you! I'm sorry out last talk was a fight, but I'm even more sorry I never got to tell you this. Please, Lizzie… wherever you are, now, just please forgive me. I-I love you, too… more than anything. B-but it's all okay, 'cause I forgive you, and I love you lots. 'Kay? I miss you like crazy, Lizzie. I miss you, I love you, I'm sorry, it's okay… please be able to hear me. Please…"

She was surprised she had gotten to say as much as she did; she had been afraid that she would completely break down, or that Liet would have taken her out of the rom the second he reached her. Thank God she had been able to say it all… she was all right with that. She just hoped that wherever Elizabeta was, she could hear her.

"Love you…" she murmured, giving the Hungarian one final kiss on the forehead, knowing that she head to go, "S-sleep well, Lizzie…. See you in Heaven, 'kay? W-wait for me, will you? I'll miss you 'til then… love you…"

Felka could hardly finish, she was crying so hard, and when she felt Toris scoop her up into his arms, it was almost a relief. She didn't argue, anyways... Rather, she buried her face into the man's chest, clinging onto him as a child would its mother, and bawled.

"L-Lizzie…"

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><p><strong>AN:<strong> What is this, I don't even-

Anyways. Almost done, I swear. OTL But I keep on coming up with new ideas for chapters, so I can't say how many more there will be. -snorts- At least two. I hope. |D Anyways~ Review, please? ;u;? I like feeling loved. /shot. c:


	13. Chapter 13

_Hey, Lizzie. It's me again. Felka. Remember me? Well, I haven't forgotten you, and it's been fifty years! I know! It's been, like, forever…! But I haven't forgotten you, just like I promised. I've written a letter every year to put on your grave… left them with the flowers. Have you been getting them, or has God been too busy to pass on the letters?_

…_Is there even a God? Or a Heaven? Please tell me there is, Lizzie, 'cause I'm gonna die, soon, and I can't wait to see you again… if there's no place to do that, I don't know what I'll do. I miss you so much, Lizzie… so, so much._

…_I've forgotten your voice, Lizzie… I still remember what you look like, though… I have that picture where we were dancing together in our best dresses, all happy and junk… You were always so gorgeous, Lizzie, y'know that? I used to say that a lot, didn't I?Well, that's because it's true. But I don't think I could ever forget beauty like that, so how you look is safe. Then again, I always thought I'd remember your voice, too… The day I realized I couldn't, I cried and cried… I cried so damn hard, Lizzie, you don't even know._

_Honestly? I can't wait to die. Like, I blame myself for your death, but I'm not, like, suicidal or anything, I swear! I just can't wait to see you again._

…_Jeez, Lizzie, I can practically __**feel**__ that look. Your "Felka is lying" look. But I ain't lying!_

…_That's such a repulsive word, ain't. But anyways, I'm telling you the truth! If I wanted to kill myself, I would've done it by now, y'know?_

…_Really, Lizzie, I swear!_

_Stop looking at me like that!_

_LIZZIE!_

_WHAT DO YOU MEAN POLAND ISN'T FALLING? IT IS! IT IS, LIZZIE, I SWEAR!_

_JUST STOP IT, PLEASE!_

_L-Lizzie, I've gotta go. I can't take this. I'll see you again, soon, I promise!_

_I love you!_

_Love always,_

_Felka_


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: **I'm really sorry that took so long, guys! Especially for such a short chapter. D: But here it is... the end. Don't get all excited, it isn't too wonderful, but here you go!

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><p>Hands shaking, she walked to the other woman's grave, skirt billowing out as she sat down, placing a small beaded bag next to her, the bit of fabric and thread containing three vital things.<p>

"Hey, Lizzie…" Felka's voice was soft, the tone she reserved for almost sacred times, but she was smiling, reaching out to brush against the cool headstone. It was almost time… she had waited for years for this… to be able to be free. Soon, she would be able to say she was done… to say that she had _lived_! Because what's living without dying? Right?

Elizabeta was dead, but for the first time in years, it didn't matter. It didn't matter that it was her fault, or that the Hungarian would never be back! It was going to end soon! Then… then, she would never have to deal with it again. The hurt would go away! It was a relieving feeling, really….

Ever so slowly, she reached into the bag next to her, pulling out a note and a single flower. She set them gently next to the tombstone and continued to smile, leaning in and giving the cold stone a light kiss, "It's nice to see you again, Lizzie… I've missed you, like, so much… but it's okay, I'll see you again soon! And it won't hurt Poland, 'cause Feliks will take care of it! He's my brother, y'know…"

Feliks will take care of it… that's what she had spent years trying to convince herself. Now, years later, Felka had finally done it… her nation would not fall. Feliks would be there to keep it up. And he would be a far better representation of Poland than she ever could! He would get respect and more! So it would all be okay!

After a moment of silence, Felka leaned over, pulling the final object from her bag; a small bottle. Thank God… it was almost over. Without hesitation, she took out the stopper and brought the bit of glass to her lips, throwing her head back and allowing the liquid to pass. She swallowed it all, making a face of disgust, but soon regained her happy look, leaning back and laying on the grass. The Pole took one final look at the tombstone and sighed, whispering, "Soon, Lizzie… I'll see you soon… but don't worry… Feliks make it better… and we can be happy up in Heaven."

Too bad Feliks was never real.


End file.
